Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
