His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
