areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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