I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
