I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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