Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize