Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize