well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
