she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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