Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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