Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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