do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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