How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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