He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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