Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
