like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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