how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
