You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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