I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
sex in a hospital.. check
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
