so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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