So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
