we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
