Your face is a jimmy john
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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