alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
