If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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