If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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