I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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