I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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