FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
