are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
