It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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