lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
