Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
