Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize