i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
