We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
