you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
