Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
