We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
