it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That was before I lit my hair on fire
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
