He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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