It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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