I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
