my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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