so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
