i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
