i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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