So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
