Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
