Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
