I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
