I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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