i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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