I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There are leaves in my underwear?
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