what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
