'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
