Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
