I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
