Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
