The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
