I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
