Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So squirting runs in the family.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize