he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
