A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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