atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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