Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
