Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
