I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
