I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
