i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
