like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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