i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
