guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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