True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
