i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
